Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Crystal Clear Decision Maker

Wouldn't life be a whole lot more simple if we were each given an official crystal ball for high school graduation? One that:
       accurately portrayed what was going on anywhere in the world
       told us what magic was to come in our life
      answer any question--even ones google doesn't know
      tell us what to do to be happy
      show us how we would look with a new hair style
       give the best advice on what to do with our lives

I mean, why the heck don't we get one? What is up with this whole learn-as-you-go lifestyle we are leading? Who is in charge here? I demand to talk with the World Organizer who neglected something as simple as a life-defining crystal orb.

Hmmm, what would I ask my ball. Well, first thing would be what to have for dinner. After all of the meals that I have prepared for the years of having kids who eat on a daily basis (that is every day for umpteen years!), my new ideas are gone with the days of me being a size six. After that, I want a direct answer as to how to be a millionaire and I want that answer RIGHT NOW! No more waiting on that one.

What to do with the million dollars, I do not need the ball for. In my mind, it is already set on exactly what to do. The first thing being to book a cruise. The cruise would, of course, solve the dinner issue for a couple of weeks, as they provide meals.  Second would be to get a house and write and act like I've always been a millionaire.

But I would keep the ball around for such necessities as lottery numbers, clothing that makes me look like I still wear a size six, and how to achieve world peace in under a month. That should cover the main needs of my life.

Hmmm, and as an author, it would be fabulously wonderful to know which of my books will sale the most. Also, should I be writing more chapter books, children's picture books, or pre-teen novels. What is the best way to end my current story? Which character should die and who will be rescued? What is the most captivating, awe-inspiring start to my next creation? See, there are so many needs attached to a crystal ball.

Again, why don't we receive one with our diplomas? I spent 12 years in public schools and that is more than enough justification for being granted a personal fortune teller.

Well, I can say this for certain. My eldest son graduates next year. If things in this world are not organized enough for him to get a crystal ball with his diploma, someone is going to get a big talking to from me!

Heather Leigh

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Ten Thankful Things

1. Having children has (almost) rid me of my ego. From the time they were wee little ones and would poke at the back of my legs and enthusiastically cry out, "Look Mom, you jiggle!", my boys did their best to ensure that I will never be vain. Love them boogers. Now that they are both teenagers, their combined eye rolls, sighs, and glares let me know that I am old, slightly stupid, incredibly slow, will never achieve any sort of wisdom within this life time, and laugh too loud at the movies. Thank the good lord for the gift of ego hacking children to protect me from all forms of self-centeredness.

2. Sydney, our Australian Shepherd, has helped me with redecorating, bathing the cats, and eating all of that pesky food that gets in the way of the kitchen counter. See, while I believe that the trash belongs under the sink in a bag, she knows that it looks WAY better spread across the dining room. Sydney, the darling, looks after the cats by licking them thoroughly everyday so that they are nice and clean. Although it is a bit gross to pet them when they are covered in dog spit, I know it must be keeping their coat extra shiny.  Finally, if left alone for too long, Sydney will do a bit of counter cleaning. It is so nice to come home and find any food that was left out (including opening glass jars with her teeth) is no longer something we need to worry about. Such a great dog we have.

3. Over the years, I have developed an intolerance to dairy products and wheat. And in this beautiful U.S. of A. there is almost no food that consists of cheese or bread. I mean, how often do you eat pizza? Almost never, huh? I mean, I like never miss Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie Frozen Yogurt--a pint every Friday evening like I used to do. Or designer Kalamati Black Olive sourdough bread fresh from the bakery by our house.  Hmmm...never even think about it. Oh, and why is this on my thankful list? Because these food issues and my non-eating of them, has made me lose like a ton of weight. No seriously. I was getting a double chin and now I am back to high school pant size.

Okay, you caught me. I'm not exactly high school size, but really, pretty darned close.

4. After having lived in Central America, I am thankful for hot showers. No more needs to be added on that subject. Just think about going without for one second and you will know what I mean.

5. So, I believe that when I am in a bad mood, I attract people who are in a negative state. It's part of my spiritual beliefs, so just go with it for this one:
Thank you to the woman at the pool gym last week. While swimming my laps, she got into the lane I was sharing with another swimmer.  BIG NOTE: there were several lanes with only one person in them. Then she stood in front of my swimming path and proceeded to run in place. I had to stop swimming and stare her down for a good five seconds before she finally moved over. The bi**h.

So, a special thank you to her for letting me know that I was in a bad mood. I made sure I thought of a funny joke quickly to ensure that I was in a more positive state of being. Laughing under water was a bit difficult, though.

6. Thank you to my cats, Girl and Playful. They both know when to interrupt my writing time. Through their incessant meows/screams to be petted when they feel the need, I am never bogged down by pesky overwriting spells. It's like they both know when I am coming to a crucial moment in a story and don't want to forget anything my mind has latched onto. Because that is when they will inherently need attention. They are so good to me.  Keep my mind fresh and in the NOW.

7. Thank you for rainbows.

That's it. No really, I love those things.

8.  Thank you for the thousands of people who have read my blogs. If you are reading this now, consider yourself appreciated.

9. The Sound  Of Music is my all time favorite movie. If I don't watch it at least once a year, Julie Andrews will forget to pick up her nun hat in the opening scene. Remember? She almost leaves it behind, when she is caught up in the beauty of the mountains and bursts out in song and dance. I have to watch it to remind her. AND, I get to sing along with her and the Van Trapp kids and Christopher Plummer. I feel so useful and happy when I watch that movie.

10. Thank you to the thousands of people who have purchased my books. I mean, you guys really rock. What more can I add to that?

And the list goes on...

Thank you,
Heather Leigh