Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Greedy Elephant Rice

What happens when you cook long grain brown rice with short grain? Well, since you are gasping out the desire to know, I'll tell you. You get a mixture of rice sizes with no taste difference. This was a huge dilemma last night. We had half cup of long left in the cupboard, and a big bag of the puny pieced ones. I had to take the risk--I was craving rice!!! In my effort to keep you away from this stressful situation in the future, thought I should let you know the results. Feel better now? Stress free? Good, my work here is done.

Another stressful situation to save you from: Ever bought a Greeting Card that was just so splendiferous that you had to buy it--even though there was no one to give it to at the time? Happened to me last week. Well, after deliberating for close to forty-one minutes on whether or not to buy the one dollar card, I decided to throw my buck away at the checkout counter and take that card home. Next morning, amongst anguish and hair pulling, searching and despairing, I realized there was no one I really wanted to send it to. Solution? In a moment of complete GREED, I grasped at the situation and kept the card for myself.

Yes, just like that. Poof! That card is now mine. Bet you had no idea how ruthless and ego driven I can be.

Presently, I am eking out the rough draft of my seventh Scout and Ellie book. It has thus far been sluggish, grueling, and exhausting keeping up with my rule of a chapter a day. I am forced to admit that yesterday, I was horribly bad in only writing one-half of my goal.

But here's the thing, see. Those greedy characters have not been divulging what comes next. They are cruelly, utterly taunting me. While I have the basic premise of what is going on overall, they are withholding the details. What did I do to those kids and elephant? Where did I go wrong? Did I commit a social faux pas that only elephants are aware of? They can be so much more aware of proper etiquette and kind treatment to others than I can ever hope to achieve.

I'll try again tonight. Perhaps if I am very quiet, a spider waiting on a web for plot, then I can listen in on what they are up to with out their knowledge. Takes planning, patience and camouflage on my end, but I have gained success with this tactic before.

BUT PLEASE! Don't warn the elephant of my spying ways. You know Ellie's temper. It will not be a pretty pumpkin night if I am caught.

And anyway, you owe me. I did give you two solutions to stressful situations. Two common situations.

Well, I must be running off. It's time for the nightly stress called: Whats-For-Dinner-Mother?

You'd think after nineteen years of kids in the house, I would have calmed down from this nightly anxiety. But then, it is a big hurdle to stride over.

Heather Leigh,
Solution Giving, Spying Writer

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Bird Brain Storm

How does the Weather Service know what time our rain will stop? They predicted a 3:30 downpour cease. Well, holy moly, guess what happened at 3:30 p.m.? Not at 3:29, nor 3:31, but on the button, exact-a-mundo, stop time. Literally. As the second hand clicked into place, raindrops vanished from the sky. I believe the ones out of my eyesight were sucked back into the towering, thick, dark gray, stalking clouds. Storm lunacy.

The resistant leaves on our front yard maple are cautiously at rest. Rather than the cruel force of the impassioned winds that have been knocking them around for two days, they are at a breezy, well-deserved peace. Those are tough little buggers that are still clinging to the branches. Should I reward them with maple syrup for their strength and fortitude? Although, I am not quite sure how to do that. Perhaps I could dip each one in a cup of syrup. Hmmm.

Neighbor kids brought out a foot-high toy sailboat and took full advantage of the wind and huge puddles. Silly kids. Although they pretended to have fun in a storm, us grown-ups know better. The only way to enjoy a wet, blustery day is to sip hot cocoa in a warm house and talk about how lovely rain is. We know better than to actually participate in the elements of nature. Ah well, someday they will have our wisdom.

There was an article once about computer storm people. They could not get the computer to figure out how birds land on a tree branch in windy weather. That means, that the people who are so smart that they can predict the EXACT time that rain will disappear, are not as sophisticated as a bird. Hope has been restored to my intelligence. If they are plagued with smarts, smaller than a bird brain, then there is a chance for a writer to have at least a portion of a nugget of cerebral knowledge. Whew, that feels good. I am off the hook of complete stupidity. Perhaps, maybe, you are too!

Now that we know that we are in with the smart crowd, what could we do in the world? I'm thinking, that after I dip each surviving maple leaf into a bowl of syrup, that I will take on world peace, provide food, clothing and shelter to every human, and stop climate change. Shouldn't take me more than a day or two. Of course, I will wait until this storm has totally passed. Wouldn't want to risk getting cold.

Thank you for joining me in our new Smaller Than a Birdbrain Smarts Revolution. I look forward to seeing what you come up with to make the world into a perfect place. One request for a volunteer to undertake is to get rid of cold weather. I am very much opposed to chill, but have yet to come up with an idea that does not destroy the earth. It has to be an eco-friendly solution. Good luck, and may the force of your smaller than a bird brain be with you.

Together, we will take on the ills of humanity!

Heather Leigh,
Warm, Snug, Smaller-Than-A-Birdbrain, Storm Watching Author