Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Serious Dishwasher Issues

My sons' friend recently got a job as a dishwasher at a local seafood restaurant. A urine test was required. And thank the good lords of law for that!!! Can you imagine if she were a drug user???!!! I mean, think of all the things she could have screwed up that would directly affected us, the consumers of fish and chips? She could have:

  • burned her finger while lighting up, causing her to feel pain when washing in hot water. That would justifiably have caused her to use cold water when rinsing dirty plates. In turn, the plates could have bacteria lurking, unkilled and unharmed, by the normally hot water that is used. The next time I went in for fresh salmon, I could have been killed by salmonella!
  • been on heroin while using the automatic washer, put in too much soap, and then had bubbles falling onto the kitchen floor. The slippery, bubbly floor could have caused another employee to trip and crack open his head. This employee would have to be carted away via ambulance to the ER. This would cause two more issues: 1. The expense of this whole ordeal will cost the insurance company oodles of money, eventually raising every ones rates. 2. My meal would take longer to get to me with all of the hullabaloo that will be going on.
  • taken crystal meth and be imagining that there are bugs crawling on her skin. She would want to get the tweezers from the first aid kit to rip out the imaginary bugs. When the owners of the restaurant see her plucking at her skin for something that does not exist, they would call the insane asylum. The meth'ed out dishwasher would be carted away in a straight jacket. The above two issues come into play here. The only benefit to this occurrence, could be if there is a writer at the restaurant. Because that scenario would make a great short story.
So now that we are on the same page as to at least three of the common problems with dishwashers who take drugs, we can get on to the even bigger risk going on here.

Book writers are self-employed. Yes, you know what I mean. We do NOT take drug tests!!! If the Dishwasher Druggie epidemic that is sweeping the U.S. is bad, think about the not-talked-about problems of Writer Users. They are infiltrating the fabric of the social network of our country. There are twenty-six letters in the English language. That gives every writer utilizing English twenty-six chances a day to screw up our citizens. Just imagine the possibilities of damage that could be done:

  • pot writers could be so mellowed out, that they use incorrect grammar and bad spelling. A whole nation of people reading and believing that Mississippi only needs two S's!
  • Cocaine addicts could be so hyper, they write tiny blurbs about hundreds of subjects. Think we have a problem with ADD kids now? Wait until they start reading the low attention span prattling of Coke Heads.
  • hallucinating mushroom-eating writers could experience what they believe are out of body experiences...and then write about it. How will we know what is true to life anymore? Us innocent readers would believe what they write, when it is actually just a bunch of phooey that was brought on by a drug induced state. Our nation will be swarming with people not knowing who to trust or what to believe in any more.
The list of issues with Druggie Writers is simply a Pandora's box that is unlimited with world-destructive problems. I am just getting too depressed to dwell on it any longer.

All I can do, is my part to save the World: I stay away from drugs. It may make me a geek in the world of Druggie Writers, but I am determined to do my part in being a part of the solution, not the problem.

You are welcome.

Heather Leigh,
sober author

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