Sunday, November 22, 2015

Vaccinated Ants

Ants have an enviable communication system. Before my family could even figure out what had happened, the ants had spread the word: Mom was taking the day off.

Yes, it is true. I spent the entire day reading 'Pride and Prejudice' to the end, watching New York, I Love You and Black or White. Both great movies, by the way. It was not that I was sick, just need a day of nothingness. I figure if I cave into those urges of void every so often, I can keep my composure for a month at a time. Plus it is healthy for my teenage sons. You see, when I am happy and content, I do not have as many selfish temper tantrums.

Anyway, back to those efficient communicators: The Ants. When I made the decision yesterday morning to only stir from bed to make my world famous popcorn, the ants knew it. And this is when I was still in the just thinking about it stage! Wow. Nature is full of wonders, is it not?

Here is the memo that flew through the ant community in the time it takes to make an ant sized step:

Mom is staying in bed! That means:
No one knows how to unload the dishwasher, put away food, wipe off the counter, clean dishes or put trash in the trash can. Free buffet all day long!

The joke is really on the ants. Because my family does know how to do all of that. The thing that is actually happening is that my staying in bed triggers an automatic response system. I believe other moms, and some dads, know about this condition. It's called TeMDOFA, Temporary Mom Day Off Amnesia. It is quite common. Sad really, but what can you do?

You see, the rest of the family forgets how to keep a kitchen clean. But boy, those ants always remember. They get right in there and attack every last crumb in the kitchen. They even make a complicated trail from their underground cave-home, to the spilled pieces of dog food on the counter.

They must be immune to TeMDOFA. Wonder if they have some kind of vaccine against it? Maybe it comes in human sizes and strengths. I'm going to talk with them, see if they'll give me some. After all, I have just provided with them with enough food to feed an ant colony. They kind of owe me.

In trade, I would even be willing to throw out a teaspoon of sugar each morning into the backyard.

I'm going to go have a chat with them about setting up a barter system. After I do yesterday's dishes, of course.

Heather Leigh,
Rested Mom in a Dirty House

No comments:

Post a Comment