Monday, November 7, 2016

App Voting

There are too many decisions for me to make tomorrow. What book should I write, who do I vote for, what do I wear to work, eggs or Tofurkey sausages for lunch, what new hair style will best display my inner and outer beauty, and should I make a salad with dinner. Hold on a minute, my mind is about to explode with the inner stresses of over work. I have to put on a special cap to prevent this.

At least there is something that I do know that I want: A phone app that will show me the outcome of every possible choice that I can think of. Do you know where I could get one?

As I await the app, here is my well thought out, workable plan: at each choice juncture, I will fall to my knees and pray for guidance. Perhaps flinging myself to the ground and screaming would actually be better. Hope they don't drag me out of the voting booth. But then again, I probably won't be the only one begging for Divine Guidance at the polls tomorrow. It may be a noisy day.

Since we are on the subject of apps, I have a BIG SECRET to reveal. I have never used one. I really am not even sure what they are. Yes, I know I am part dinosaur in this regard. But NO, I have not been living in a cave. So it must be the fault of my teenage sons. While they are ever helpful in still having to help me navigate my way through my Smart Phone, I feel that asking to be taught about apps would push them over the edge in teaching-mother-another-techno-thing. I love them too much to see their powers put to the test to such an extent.

At least I know how to type and use the computer enough to post these ever witty, overly entertaining posts. I can even attach them to FaceBook! Woo Hoo! There may be hope for me, even yet.

Back to beginning, I am supposed to ask if you have a PLAN for voting. Do you? Even if you are wringing your hands in despair with the presented choices, you still have to show up and vote. It's an obligation you make when you sign up to be born in the United States. Death, Taxes and Voting, it's all the same.

My plan is this: tonight, with a glass of comforting wine and bunny slippers, I will finish going through the pros and cons of each Proposition, and deciding on who will run governmental affairs. Popcorn will most likely be present as I am an addict. Tomorrow after my nutritious daily smoothie, I will crawl my way to the Booth of Voting Angst. Climbing up to face the Voter Facilitators, I will humbly snatch a ballot, like a mouse clutching to a morsel of possibly poisonous cheese. Drooling, trudging, sludging my way, I will gather the strength to make it to a booth. There, Divine Intervention will surely show me who to make our next President. It WILL happen, people.

Then, I will be off to work. Probably best to keep busy so as not to spend the day in mortal worry about results. I mean, there are still three months left until the new President takes over. Plenty of time to buy an island in the South Pacific and learn how to live off of pineapple and coconuts.

Maybe there I will have the time to learn how to use an app.

Heather Leigh,
Obligated Voter Against Apps

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