Crystal Clear Decision Maker

Wouldn't life be a whole lot more simple if we were each given an official crystal ball for high school graduation? One that:
     
       accurately portrayed what was going on anywhere in the world
       told us what magic was to come in our life
      answer any question--even ones google doesn't know
      tell us what to do to be happy
      show us how we would look with a new hair style
       give the best advice on what to do with our lives

I mean, why the heck don't we get one? What is up with this whole learn-as-you-go lifestyle we are leading? Who is in charge here? I demand to talk with the World Organizer who neglected something as simple as a life-defining crystal orb.

Hmmm, what would I ask my ball. Well, first thing would be what to have for dinner. After all of the meals that I have prepared for the years of having kids who eat on a daily basis (that is every day for umpteen years!), my new ideas are gone with the days of me being a size six. After that, I want a direct answer as to how to be a millionaire and I want that answer RIGHT NOW! No more waiting on that one.

What to do with the million dollars, I do not need the ball for. In my mind, it is already set on exactly what to do. The first thing being to book a cruise. The cruise would, of course, solve the dinner issue for a couple of weeks, as they provide meals.  Second would be to get a house and write and act like I've always been a millionaire.

But I would keep the ball around for such necessities as lottery numbers, clothing that makes me look like I still wear a size six, and how to achieve world peace in under a month. That should cover the main needs of my life.

Hmmm, and as an author, it would be fabulously wonderful to know which of my books will sale the most. Also, should I be writing more chapter books, children's picture books, or pre-teen novels. What is the best way to end my current story? Which character should die and who will be rescued? What is the most captivating, awe-inspiring start to my next creation? See, there are so many needs attached to a crystal ball.

Again, why don't we receive one with our diplomas? I spent 12 years in public schools and that is more than enough justification for being granted a personal fortune teller.

Well, I can say this for certain. My eldest son graduates next year. If things in this world are not organized enough for him to get a crystal ball with his diploma, someone is going to get a big talking to from me!

Heather Leigh

Ten Thankful Things

1. Having children has (almost) rid me of my ego. From the time they were wee little ones and would poke at the back of my legs and enthusiastically cry out, "Look Mom, you jiggle!", my boys did their best to ensure that I will never be vain. Love them boogers. Now that they are both teenagers, their combined eye rolls, sighs, and glares let me know that I am old, slightly stupid, incredibly slow, will never achieve any sort of wisdom within this life time, and laugh too loud at the movies. Thank the good lord for the gift of ego hacking children to protect me from all forms of self-centeredness.

2. Sydney, our Australian Shepherd, has helped me with redecorating, bathing the cats, and eating all of that pesky food that gets in the way of the kitchen counter. See, while I believe that the trash belongs under the sink in a bag, she knows that it looks WAY better spread across the dining room. Sydney, the darling, looks after the cats by licking them thoroughly everyday so that they are nice and clean. Although it is a bit gross to pet them when they are covered in dog spit, I know it must be keeping their coat extra shiny.  Finally, if left alone for too long, Sydney will do a bit of counter cleaning. It is so nice to come home and find any food that was left out (including opening glass jars with her teeth) is no longer something we need to worry about. Such a great dog we have.

3. Over the years, I have developed an intolerance to dairy products and wheat. And in this beautiful U.S. of A. there is almost no food that consists of cheese or bread. I mean, how often do you eat pizza? Almost never, huh? I mean, I like never miss Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie Frozen Yogurt--a pint every Friday evening like I used to do. Or designer Kalamati Black Olive sourdough bread fresh from the bakery by our house.  Hmmm...never even think about it. Oh, and why is this on my thankful list? Because these food issues and my non-eating of them, has made me lose like a ton of weight. No seriously. I was getting a double chin and now I am back to high school pant size.

Okay, you caught me. I'm not exactly high school size, but really, pretty darned close.

4. After having lived in Central America, I am thankful for hot showers. No more needs to be added on that subject. Just think about going without for one second and you will know what I mean.

5. So, I believe that when I am in a bad mood, I attract people who are in a negative state. It's part of my spiritual beliefs, so just go with it for this one:
Thank you to the woman at the pool gym last week. While swimming my laps, she got into the lane I was sharing with another swimmer.  BIG NOTE: there were several lanes with only one person in them. Then she stood in front of my swimming path and proceeded to run in place. I had to stop swimming and stare her down for a good five seconds before she finally moved over. The bi**h.

So, a special thank you to her for letting me know that I was in a bad mood. I made sure I thought of a funny joke quickly to ensure that I was in a more positive state of being. Laughing under water was a bit difficult, though.

6. Thank you to my cats, Girl and Playful. They both know when to interrupt my writing time. Through their incessant meows/screams to be petted when they feel the need, I am never bogged down by pesky overwriting spells. It's like they both know when I am coming to a crucial moment in a story and don't want to forget anything my mind has latched onto. Because that is when they will inherently need attention. They are so good to me.  Keep my mind fresh and in the NOW.

7. Thank you for rainbows.

That's it. No really, I love those things.

8.  Thank you for the thousands of people who have read my blogs. If you are reading this now, consider yourself appreciated.

9. The Sound  Of Music is my all time favorite movie. If I don't watch it at least once a year, Julie Andrews will forget to pick up her nun hat in the opening scene. Remember? She almost leaves it behind, when she is caught up in the beauty of the mountains and bursts out in song and dance. I have to watch it to remind her. AND, I get to sing along with her and the Van Trapp kids and Christopher Plummer. I feel so useful and happy when I watch that movie.

10. Thank you to the thousands of people who have purchased my books. I mean, you guys really rock. What more can I add to that?

And the list goes on...

Thank you,
Heather Leigh

Remodeling My Vacation

Working at a luxury day spa, I am often privy to wealthy people's conversations. While most are happy, wonderful people, there are those who, well, like to complain. And the two most common complaints I hear are about their home remodeling job, and how this year's tropical vacation was NOT as good as last years.

Well, I can sympathize.

First off, when I do my own remodeling job at home, such as put a chair back in the dining room or replace a broken piece of tile, the job is just not that great. The chair either tiptoes back to its original place in the middle of the room, or the tile is cross-eyed backwards (don't ask me to explain what this means--you get the gist of it). Or, last year when I tried to paint over the rust in the bathroom sink, the white color didn't match anything the human eye has ever seen. And forget about the new futon in the living room. The cats have taken it over and won't share a single paw space.

And don't get me started on that last stay-cation.  Can you believe I had to park two blocks away from the beach and walk! Where is the free valet beach service in San Diego? Where are my tax dollars going? Then at the dog park when Sydney pooped on the grass, the people there looked at me like I was supposed to pick up her mess. What is this country coming to when I have to take responsibility for my own dog? Please, people, please.

Okay, and can we talk about house cleaning? Years ago, I sent my maid on vacation to Hawaii and she never came back. There is just no respect for employers anymore. But don't worry, when she comes back she will learn her lesson. I have not dusted or cleaned a single window since she left. I am letting the gunk build up for her to clean. That will teach her!

I have to leave now to get my son. While I'm gone, Sydney has agreed to clean things up a bit here. It's only fair after that dog park incident.  She said she is going to rearrange the trash onto the kitchen floor and put my bedspread into a new format. At least I can count on my dog to help me on remodeling and decorating. Now maybe the cats will start licking the walls clean like they do their fur. Oh, what a beautiful home we shall have!

Heather Leigh

Ego Bashing the Therapist

Today I am happy to report that I had my judgemental ego handed to me on a plate with a side of relish.  As somebody reading this may already know, my day job is Massage Therapist, working at a fancy day spa. In case there are those among you who have never fallen into the blissful trappings of a day spa, I will give a brief run-down of how things are done.

When you make an appointment for a massage, the time given is carved in stone. If you show up late, it is your time that is grabbed away from the minutes spent under the loving hands of a therapist. This has to do with scheduling and efficiency.

So, when clients makes an appointment for a 25 minute massage and waltz in 15 minutes late, well, you see where the complications arise.

When this happened today with a couple who my co-worker and I were to work on, we decided to relent and give way to going past the pre-set time. BUT, then the couple walked in slowly, ignored us therapists on the way to the massage room in order to discuss business, and gave an overall feeling of a lack of appreciation for our services and us as people.

My co-worker and I judged them to be inconsiderate and rude monsters.

But, we are in a giving, serving profession and gave the best massages in the 15 minutes we had available.

At the end of the massage, I escorted them to the relaxation lounge and got to chatting with them. Turns out they have seven girls and one boy ranging from ages two to seventeen years old. After a bit of freaking out on my part, the husband went on to joyously convey to me how much they loved their family life, how wonderful their children are, and how much love is shown between the siblings.

Gracious, how I had misjudged them. From just one sliver of information about two people who had a whole lifetime of personality outside of the 30 minutes that I had known them, I was excruciatingly quick in defining their character.

They were the world's nicest family! Right up there with Andy Griffith and the Brady Bunch. This is one of the few times that receiving an ego bashing was done peacefully. I got the message and was thankful.

Heather Leigh

Proud To Be Rotating The Earth

Our normally peaceful, on the verge of boring, home has been quite the busy place this month. My youngest son has been preparing his eighth grade portfolio, memorizing his scarecrow lines for the school's version of 'Dorothy In Wonderland', getting ready for the 8th grade end of the school year white water rafting trip, and competing in a ballroom dance competition. Wow! Did we really do all of that in one month? No wonder I'm tired.

The older one went to his girlfriend's prom, tonight his prom, finished up the end of the school year exhibition night projects, applied for summer jobs, is getting ready for college, and applied for a summer internship at the huge Aquarium center at at nearby university.

Whew! And they still have another week of school.

Doesn't it seem like nothing too crazy or much has happened in your life until you look back and think about what has been accomplished in your past few weeks? Does to me quite often. I like to look back at every day and reflect on what I did. Then the rushing around, or pure laziness, shines out as actual things taking place that our family was a part of. Takes away any guilt of having snuck in Mahjong on the computer when I should have been attending to this blog. Or watching 'The English Patient' for the umpteenth time with a mountain of laundry tumbling from my room straight into the hallway--blocking the way to the bathroom, for gosh sakes.

I rambled too long on what the boys did, so I will hold back from boring you with what things were crossed off my Forever Present, never quite done, LIST OF THINGS TO DO.

Not to get off this flowery yet in-depth subject of our family's May accomplishments, but I wonder what will happen to my LIST when I die? Surely, the world will stop spinning--or at the very least, wobble a bit. My list must be holding together something in this perfectly turning globe. Doesn't your list help the world spin more peacefully on its axis? Can't you feel the gentle hum of the rotating earth being moved along with more efficiency every time you cross something off of it. I sure do.

But now here is the really weird thing about that rotating earth and our connection with it through our lists...

No one, I mean, not one single person on this crowded planet, has ever thanked me for keeping their world in spinning harmony by ticking off another item on the LIST. How about you? Ever been thanked? Yeah, weird, huh? Its like they don't even know.

Well, that was enough time away from my list. If I don't get the vacuuming done, there may be a significant jolt in the planetary cycle just as people are sitting down to dinner. List crossing off may be a thankless job but some one has to do it. Might as well be us.

And thank goodness that the next generation is being trained on getting things done. Makes me feel a deep, unabashed part of the universal scheme of rotation to have produced two contributors to the revolving of the earth. Spin on, earth! I will get the dog washed and finish writing another chapter this weekend.

Heather Leigh

Tighten Up That Iron!

After dropping off the kids at school and am too tired to write, have dishes in the sink, and an (almost) overwhelming desire to eat popcorn and watch The Sound of Music for the millionth and one time, I hear my Creative Writing teacher, Dave Holper, calling whimsically out over the land from northern California:

STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT!

So, I trudge my way over to the over worn but not overly comfy chair and start writing.

Damn that Dave Holper.  If it weren't for him and that class in which he also demanded that we write at least a line a day, I would be basking in a bag of Spice Drops--the only decent candy left in the world--and laughing about piano playing cats on the internet.  Life would be much more decadent and lazy, as well it should be.

And then, to add more to the cauldron of teachers with wickedly good advice, my picture book instructor, Diane D'Andrade, from long ago whispers firmly in my ear to tighten up my writing.  Okay, I whisper back. But can't I keep this one little tiny paragraph that has absolutely nothing to do with the story but shows how great of a story teller I am? Can't I keep at least that? I mean, give me something here, woman.

And into my ear, from years ago, she kindly, mildly, screams NO you may one keep that paragraph.

And that adjective? She adds, cross it out, not needed. 

TIGHTEN UP!

Okay, I meekly respond.  And I highlight and delete the words and my ego. Now stricken from public view for an eternity.

At the end of a rough draft of each chapter, when I go back to review, there is a third teacher who haunts my tales.  Her name is caught somewhere in the mysterious folds of my brain, meaning I do not remember.  "I don't know where I am in your story. Give me setting. Ground me."

So, I dutifully go back and place her spirit gently on the floor in the middle of the story and show her where she is.  She is blindfolded, so I have to describe every silly little detail.  

Now that I think about it, Dave used to tell me the same thing.

SHOW ME WHERE I AM!

Hand in hand, step by step, word by word, I show them.  We travel about the room, smelling, feeling, touching, sensing, seeing where we are.  We look out every window and examine characters in every mirror.  Finally, we all breathe sighs of comfort when we gain the grounding essence. It is a magical moment.

It is not until these past demanding teachers have been appeased every day that I can grant my self rest. And yet, I still search out writing classes and add more teachers to my list of words to attend to. Why am I so crazy? Oh, that's right, I almost forgot. It is because I am a writer.

And for that, I have only myself to blame.

Heather Leigh

Hippo Secrets and Crocodiles

Okay, so my newest kids story is COMPLETELY hush hush secret.  But let me tell you this--research has never been more fun!

I was never into research in school and especially not college.  Everything I was looking into was boring and the topics were chosen by the teacher.  Oh, I am leaving out that WAY back then, there was no internet or google to glean information from at the tip of my fingers. I actually had to go the the library, for gosh sake. From there, books had to be hunted down from a computer catalogue and then found by myself or a helpful librarian. It could take an hour to find the necessary books for just one subject and then only get a paragraph worth of information.

And my sons complain that our internet is too slow!  If they only knew.

Now when I desperately need to know the difference between a crocodile and an alligator, it is within a moment's lightening speed. Even funny images about how a croc eats babies with its mouth opened with a 'C' shape and an alligator with an 'A' shape.

Research life in this era is so grand.

Even doing freelance article writing is fun. For every one I write, I just google the subject, and there is a plethora of stuff already written about it. All I have to do is a bit of reading, put together what I've learned, and then spit it out onto a new Word Document.  People actually pay me to do this!

The things I've learned, too--stuff that makes me sound like I know what I'm talking about during bar conversations.

Back to my new hush-hush book.  Okay, the stuff I am learning has nothing to do with non-fiction newsworthy stuff. It's for a kids chapter book. But oh is it funny! I'm looking at images of creative stuff other people have done and boy are people crazy.  I want friends like this who would do the kind of silly stuff I am downloading pictures of.

This is making me scream with a desire to tell you what I am writing about.  But, as I swore a blood oath with friend CJ, I am not at liberty to tell. I will just have to hold in this hippo sized secret until the book is ready--hopefully in the Fall. It had better be, I don't know if I can wait any longer than that!

Heather Leigh