Sunday, August 30, 2015

Blond Libra Cliche

For me, the best way to make a major life decision, like whether or not to go swimming at the gym, is to not think about it. Because with my brain waves of reason, comes the knowledge that the water is cool, not warm. I might get a chill here, people! Do you realize that it takes me a full lap of hardcore crawl stroke to even begin thinking about adjusting to the water temperature? A full lap!!! No wonder I have to pick up my swimsuit, run out the door, drive like a maniac, and plunge into the pool before my brain can bring reason in to my awareness. It's a miracle I ever leave my house.

As I was staring at the bottom of the pool last night in my expert swim style (I did get an 'A' in all those college swim classes), I thought about how clever I am to have tricked my mind into getting into the harshly cold (heated) gym swimming pool. How I just do what needs to get done to keep body and spirit healthy.

But then, as I reached the end of the edge and prepared to switch to the breast stroke, I noticed the Nike check mark on my swim suit. I'm sure we all know their slogan: Just Do It. And then it hit me like a ton of freezing water. Just doing exercise without thinking about it, was marketed long ago by a major corporation. I am nothing but a sheep to the sales tactics of an exercise company. Some sales executive out there is just laughing at my folly, my self delusions.

I am nothing but a Nike cliche.

Is there nothing original about me? I thought that the way I laugh so danged loudly was a unique Heather thing. But then I read on Face book that Libras are naturally loud laughers. So there goes that one. I thought I was clueless about so many things, but then I see my hair in the mirror and remember I am just another blond. And a natural one at that, so there is no hope for smartness anywhere in my life.

Chocolate and wine are the building blocks of joy and bliss. But that is true for like every woman in America! The first draft of every story I write is crap, but Hemingway knew that about himself before I was even born! Loving my kids? Duh, so do mothers all over the world.

There has got to be something that sets me apart from the billions of other humans in the world. I mean, I want to be my own snowflake--not some cheap imitation.

Hey, wait! I got it! I can worry about all of this in just one twenty minute swim session. Hah! How many of you can come up with this much self doubt and angst in one work out. Yeah, so take that, you Nike executive. I am my own woman.

Hear me roar!

Oh, wait. That's another saying from a decade ago.

Oh well. I've still got a few more decades of living. Maybe I can figure out something that sets me a part from the crowd.

Any suggestions?

Heather Leigh,
Just another human

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